Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Secret Not Drinking

Sometimes I have a vision of what needs to happen, or not happen, in a week to meet my goals.  For example, this week we are leaving for a couple days at the beach and I would like to leave early in the morning. This means no drinking the night before so I can get a good nights sleep and wake up feeling my best.  In order to insure that I don't get too excited the night before and blow it I have schedule a night out with friends the night before that. This way I'll be all partied out and ready to relax and get ready for my trip.  The next level of the plan is that in order to want to go out that night I can't go out the night before that.
So when my friends invite me to things that threaten my carefully calculated plan I freak out a little. Sometimes I don't feel like justifying my reasons to people so I just make a random excuse.  I'm not sure if I'm embarrassed that it takes that amount of self manipulation or if I don't want to argue the validity of it when they don't care and still want me to do what they want to do.
Last week I over indulged and this weekend I will also want to indulge a little.  In order to keep my weight on track something has to give.  This week I only get to go out one night, and that's that. What bothers me is that I feel guilty somehow about sticking to what I want.  I can't decide if it's my friends that make me feel that way or if I make myself feel that way.  It really is a huge compliment that people want to spend time with me, but sometimes I can't reach my goals and participate in all social activities that I would like to.
This brings up the same conundrum I always find myself in.  Is it better to meet your goals or live life with friends to the fullest?  For now I will try my best to balance the two.

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