Last week I set a two level goal for myself, I would be thrilled to not have wine until this coming weekend, or happy with myself for making it to this past Friday. I made it to Friday and it was a struggle, but I did it! I turned down at least two invitations for meals and wine out and they were each difficult. Thursday night I was beside myself with cravings for a patio dinner in the sun of salad and Pinot Gris. However, I persevered and I felt great about it. That is until I got on the scale this morning. WTF?!! I have put on another two pounds! I'm freaking out! I actually cried and considered canceling my trip to Hawaii.
After I pulled myself together I realized I only have one choice and that is to keep trying. I will drink a ton of water and see if the bull shit I'm selling myself about water weight is at all true. I have logged breakfast and I'm going to plan some extra exercise. I ordered a swim suit online that arrives Wednesday so I need to get a grip. I also need to talk to my husband about the lead up to weight loss surgery. There's been a lot of talk about how it will be good for both of us, which is true, but I will still have to diet and exercise to lose my weight and I need to stop this dream talk.
My goals for this week are simple; exercise, eat light, avoid salt and wine.
Sunday, September 14, 2014
Monday, September 8, 2014
Back To Basics
I have plenty of excuses for how last week went. I worked late and I felt sorry for myself, plus summer is ending and I feel sorry for myself. Ok, so basically it's the one excuse for several different reasons. The bottom line is I can't give up on my goals. I have decided to get down to basics and just try to not over indulge.
We are getting ready to go on a weekend trip and I have decided that if I do not go out and have wine etc until then then I get an A+. If I go out this Friday and that's it then I can have an A-. Anything more than that and I'm going to be pissed off enough to give myself an F! It's only 11 days for Christ sake!! I don't know why having fun now is always more alluring than achieving my goals later! I just want to party and have fun! Constantly thinking about each thing I put in my mouth is exhausting and I get sick of worrying about it. That said, I also get tired of feeling chubby. Here is to a fresh start on a Monday. After all, that's about the only thing Mondays are good for.
We are getting ready to go on a weekend trip and I have decided that if I do not go out and have wine etc until then then I get an A+. If I go out this Friday and that's it then I can have an A-. Anything more than that and I'm going to be pissed off enough to give myself an F! It's only 11 days for Christ sake!! I don't know why having fun now is always more alluring than achieving my goals later! I just want to party and have fun! Constantly thinking about each thing I put in my mouth is exhausting and I get sick of worrying about it. That said, I also get tired of feeling chubby. Here is to a fresh start on a Monday. After all, that's about the only thing Mondays are good for.
Wednesday, September 3, 2014
Short Week Syndrome
Am I the only one that is finding this short week particularly difficult? I started out thinking "this should be easy, it's a short week". Now I'm finally to Wednesday and I'm exhausted and I still have to work tomorrow night! I worked last night, and was so depressed about it that I caved in and went out for drinks with friends which turned into more drinks and snacks. I had an easier time being disciplined over the holiday weekend when I was relaxed.
I do have some things going on at home which are distracting. My husband has applied to have the gastric sleeve surgery and is very anxious to hear if he was accepted. This seems to be making my normally calm husband a little touchy which is in turn making me tense. I was not a big fan of the idea at first because I'm from the school of "Eat less, Move more". Of course you all know how well that's going for me, eye roll. We went to a meeting to hear about the program at a local hospital and I looked around and realized this wasn't about me. I'm 25 pounds heavier than I'd like to be, but I'm not obese or in ill health due to my weight. I have no barrier to exercising and I don't have a food addiction. This is not true for my husband, and after seeing how badly he wanted to do this I have come to see that this is what's best for him. If he's healthier and happier, than I will be too. I have always worried about his health, and have had concerns about losing him.
In the mean time, we wait to hear if or when things will be happening. I am very nervous, and worry if this really is the right thing to do. In the end as adults in relationships we have to realize when our partner is going to do something with or without our blessing. If I should come to want some sort of face lift surgery in the future I wouldn't want him to tell me no because he thinks I don't need it. Well, of course he should say I don't need it, but then support me all the same! I guess that's what a relationship is all about. I am going to try to be more sensitive to his feelings and at the same time not sooth my ruffled feelings with food and wine.
I do have some things going on at home which are distracting. My husband has applied to have the gastric sleeve surgery and is very anxious to hear if he was accepted. This seems to be making my normally calm husband a little touchy which is in turn making me tense. I was not a big fan of the idea at first because I'm from the school of "Eat less, Move more". Of course you all know how well that's going for me, eye roll. We went to a meeting to hear about the program at a local hospital and I looked around and realized this wasn't about me. I'm 25 pounds heavier than I'd like to be, but I'm not obese or in ill health due to my weight. I have no barrier to exercising and I don't have a food addiction. This is not true for my husband, and after seeing how badly he wanted to do this I have come to see that this is what's best for him. If he's healthier and happier, than I will be too. I have always worried about his health, and have had concerns about losing him.
In the mean time, we wait to hear if or when things will be happening. I am very nervous, and worry if this really is the right thing to do. In the end as adults in relationships we have to realize when our partner is going to do something with or without our blessing. If I should come to want some sort of face lift surgery in the future I wouldn't want him to tell me no because he thinks I don't need it. Well, of course he should say I don't need it, but then support me all the same! I guess that's what a relationship is all about. I am going to try to be more sensitive to his feelings and at the same time not sooth my ruffled feelings with food and wine.
Monday, September 1, 2014
September First
The first day of anything (the month, the year, vacation) always holds so much promise. It makes us feel like we can become anything we want to be. For a brief period of time we allow ourselves to see what we really want and how we plan to achieve it. That resolve is usually fleeting, and sends us back into our regular lives feeling a little blue. However, come the next first day opportunity we get right back up and go for it again with renewed hopes and enthusiasm.
Today is September 1st and I am going to grab this opportunity to ride a high that only the renewed spirit of a first day can give you. I want to lose some weight. I know the popular phrase is "get in shape", but it's too late for soft peddling. I am almost the heaviest I have ever been and I know my face looks different because of it.
The bottom line is I need to consume less calories and burn more. A food journal is non negotiable and I think I need to go for 7 days per week because I way over do on the weekends. Food and wine will need to be the main change because I generally get a pretty decent amount of activity. Lame!!! I hate this already! I have a trip planned in a month and I want to wear a swim suit at the pool and I don't want it to be too tight. I also have a wedding coming up in 3 months that I would love to not feel fat at. Here's my plan for the coming week, which is shaping up to be an annoying week working 2 nights.
Goals for this week:
Today is September 1st and I am going to grab this opportunity to ride a high that only the renewed spirit of a first day can give you. I want to lose some weight. I know the popular phrase is "get in shape", but it's too late for soft peddling. I am almost the heaviest I have ever been and I know my face looks different because of it.
The bottom line is I need to consume less calories and burn more. A food journal is non negotiable and I think I need to go for 7 days per week because I way over do on the weekends. Food and wine will need to be the main change because I generally get a pretty decent amount of activity. Lame!!! I hate this already! I have a trip planned in a month and I want to wear a swim suit at the pool and I don't want it to be too tight. I also have a wedding coming up in 3 months that I would love to not feel fat at. Here's my plan for the coming week, which is shaping up to be an annoying week working 2 nights.
Goals for this week:
- 10,000 steps 6 out of 7 days
- Log food for 7 out of 7 days
- Bike - 3 times 30 minutes
Friday, August 29, 2014
My Sixth Portland to Coast
Last week I was in full preparation mode for my 6th annual trip to Portland to Coast the walking relay of Hood to Coast. It was a rocky road leading up to the race, but everything turned out great! I did have one drama queen in my van but that couldn't overshadow the amazing camaraderie of the team.
I did great this year as far as time and endurance. The long walks I have been taking all summer with my very fast walking friend have clearly paid off. In addition to that I walk twice as far to and from work now. I was very nervous going into this race because I am heavier than I've ever been on the race and I knew carrying the extra weight would make things harder. It turns out I may have more body fat than before but apparently I was more prepared this year. I wasn't very sore at all and I walked my two legs and split a third to cover a teammate. This year I also took measures to prevent the massive blisters I have suffered the past 2 years. I used Band Aid Blister Band Aids on the inside of both heels and was so thankful for them, I will absolutely do that again next year.
Now I need to try to get back into the swing of things for Fall. First, I think I will enjoy my holiday weekend. My goal is to have fun and not over eat while getting in some walking and site seeing in Portland. I would love to hit the Portland Farmers Market and get some flowers and veggies and go to Art in the Pearl. Other than that I am looking forward to a nice relaxing weekend.
I did great this year as far as time and endurance. The long walks I have been taking all summer with my very fast walking friend have clearly paid off. In addition to that I walk twice as far to and from work now. I was very nervous going into this race because I am heavier than I've ever been on the race and I knew carrying the extra weight would make things harder. It turns out I may have more body fat than before but apparently I was more prepared this year. I wasn't very sore at all and I walked my two legs and split a third to cover a teammate. This year I also took measures to prevent the massive blisters I have suffered the past 2 years. I used Band Aid Blister Band Aids on the inside of both heels and was so thankful for them, I will absolutely do that again next year.
Now I need to try to get back into the swing of things for Fall. First, I think I will enjoy my holiday weekend. My goal is to have fun and not over eat while getting in some walking and site seeing in Portland. I would love to hit the Portland Farmers Market and get some flowers and veggies and go to Art in the Pearl. Other than that I am looking forward to a nice relaxing weekend.
Monday, August 18, 2014
Portland To Coast Week
Let me just start by saying my weight seems to be out of control and I'm taking a week off from obsessing about it. That said, I had a great week in all my other goals! I think adding the bike back in to my routine is going to be a positive thing, and not just because it sits in my living room and mocks me when I don't. The food diary is another tool that I think I need to eventually be successful.
Here is a recap of my week:
Goals for this week:
The scale was starting to bum me out so I have decided to do what I know I need to do and just stop worrying about the number. It's difficult to behave and see a weight gain on the scale. My husband keeps reminding me that this is how all my diets start and if I keep with it my body will level out and cooperate. The problem is I want to have major success after each day of good choices! I suppose that's not very realistic. I have to go now, I have to go get some compression pants so my things don't start a forest fire during the race.
Here is a recap of my week:
- 10,000 steps 6 out of 7 days - I made it 5 out of 7 and one day I had over 9,000
- Log food 5 out of 7 days - I completed 4 days and was only over calories on 1
- Plank 6 out of 7 days - 1 day then I hurt my shoulder and took the week off
- Bike 3 times for 30 minutes or more - 3 out of 3!!!!
Goals for this week:
- 10,000 steps 6 out of 7 days
- Log food for 4 out of 7 days - I'm going to be out of town and this is more realistic
- Plank - I'm taking this week off I don't want to aggravate my shoulder pre-race
- Bike - 3 times 30 minutes
The scale was starting to bum me out so I have decided to do what I know I need to do and just stop worrying about the number. It's difficult to behave and see a weight gain on the scale. My husband keeps reminding me that this is how all my diets start and if I keep with it my body will level out and cooperate. The problem is I want to have major success after each day of good choices! I suppose that's not very realistic. I have to go now, I have to go get some compression pants so my things don't start a forest fire during the race.
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
Fun Is Complicated
I find myself in a constant struggle between having fun and "being good". I want to have fun so that usually wins out, then I beat myself up after. On the one hand I feel like I'll never wish I had stayed home and had more sensible meals when I'm old and looking back on things. On the other hand I wonder if feeling great about how I look would be worth it, but what fun is being thin if I'm sitting at home desperately trying to maintain it?! I wonder if people like Jennifer Aniston ever tire of not having the cookie or extra glass of wine. Maybe they feel so happy with their achievements that they don't miss those things. Can that be?
I over indulged last night which is annoying for a weeknight. I was supposed to go to a party that got canceled and instead of staying home I decided I still needed to go out to dinner. I spent the evening saying I should be more adventurous and go out on weeknights more etc. Of course I woke up this morning thinking I should never go out again and I should probably be punished. What's with the self guilt trip? What makes it worse is I have to work tonight, so I'm spending the day moping around the house waiting to go to work. I swear I really am my own worst enemy, I drive myself crazy! I am so lucky to have a husband that's willing to give me pep talks about what I consumed the night before. I did ride my bike for 30 minutes which did make me feel better. Now I need to decide between another productive activity and a nap. I swear I can't handle an unsatisfying nap though!
I over indulged last night which is annoying for a weeknight. I was supposed to go to a party that got canceled and instead of staying home I decided I still needed to go out to dinner. I spent the evening saying I should be more adventurous and go out on weeknights more etc. Of course I woke up this morning thinking I should never go out again and I should probably be punished. What's with the self guilt trip? What makes it worse is I have to work tonight, so I'm spending the day moping around the house waiting to go to work. I swear I really am my own worst enemy, I drive myself crazy! I am so lucky to have a husband that's willing to give me pep talks about what I consumed the night before. I did ride my bike for 30 minutes which did make me feel better. Now I need to decide between another productive activity and a nap. I swear I can't handle an unsatisfying nap though!
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